tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
