hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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