I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
