would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
