69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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