I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
