Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
