I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
