smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
