Cold hands, warm shart.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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