I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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