mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
