I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
