Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
