mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I deserve this hangover.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
