Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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