just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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