i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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