Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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