The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
