we made out on top of his cat.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
