Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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