What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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