fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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