I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
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