the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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