Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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