remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
