you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
