I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
