Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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