boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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