Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
