The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
