Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
