ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
