Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
