New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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