I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
