At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
