Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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