Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
