i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
