I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
