i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
