Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
