Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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