I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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