You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
