i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
