I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This is classic penis vs brain.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
