In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
