There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.