Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.