Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
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so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
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returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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