I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Everyone says I win the strip club
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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