i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk