Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.