Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.

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  (609): so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton. http://tfl.nu/aawl
  Replies (67) Good night (2847) Bad night (523)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.

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  (515): Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs. (402): but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs. http://tfl.nu/7170
  Replies (9) Good night (3763) Bad night (728)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.

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  (706): dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left. http://tfl.nu/hrhu
  Replies (36) Good night (1059) Bad night (7253)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.

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  (740): The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story. http://tfl.nu/x6qv
  Replies (18) Good night (6518) Bad night (846)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.

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  (636): maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention. http://tfl.nu/8c9n
  Replies (14) Good night (1450) Bad night (3224)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.

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  (205): I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine. http://tfl.nu/wlnl
  Replies (50) Good night (2445) Bad night (7849)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday

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  (706): My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday http://tfl.nu/gbim
  Replies (8) Good night (5210) Bad night (1010)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.

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  (518): Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs. http://tfl.nu/lvji
  Replies (2) Good night (1341) Bad night (614)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend

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  (706): Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend http://tfl.nu/biar
  Replies (5) Good night (1764) Bad night (649)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.

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  (812): You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do. http://tfl.nu/dz7m
  Replies (17) Good night (844) Bad night (2434)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this

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  (573): I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this http://tfl.nu/fiy0
  Replies (3) Good night (1269) Bad night (609)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.

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  (702): There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that. http://tfl.nu/7qcf
  Replies (3) Good night (1252) Bad night (484)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Bang-toberfest begins!!

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  (662): Bang-toberfest begins!! http://tfl.nu/i6ge
  Replies (5) Good night (1183) Bad night (399)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?

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  (303): He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery? http://tfl.nu/y325
  Replies (10) Good night (361) Bad night (750)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans

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  (+44): And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans http://tfl.nu/016u
  Replies (5) Good night (724) Bad night (241)

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