Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
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i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
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I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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