So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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