yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
pop tarts are not kleenex
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
