My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
