It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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