i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
