you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
