I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
