You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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