Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
