im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
