paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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