wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
