thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize