FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
