Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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