My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
