im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
tell me about the eggs
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
