I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
That's intense
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
