toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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