What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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