It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
