Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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