textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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