You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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