I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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