We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
