Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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