I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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