It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
