i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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