You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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